ONE TOO MANY DRINKS, ONE TOO LITTLE TIRES

BETHANY, NEW YORK- Authorities said a western New York man is behind bars tonight for having too many drinks and too little tires.

Duane Bush, 61, was arrested at his home after a motorist reported seeing a tire falling off a car weaving on a Bethany road. Deputies said the van traveled 11 miles through the rural town without a rear right tire. Several times, Bush veered into oncoming traffic endangering the lives of other motorists. And all this was done while intoxicated and with a 33-year expired license.

Bush was charged with aggravated DWI and unlicensed operation of a motor vehicle. Deputies said his blood-alcohol level was more than three times above the legal limit of .08 percent.

INEPT CRIMINALS!

A Louisiana man was down and out for the count when police arrived at the scene of the crime. You see, an 82-year-old woman was home recovering from a broken leg, when she heard a noise. Afraid of getting robbed, she called 911, crowbar in hand. Deputies said 24-year-old Derrick Gauthreaux was checked in at a hospital and then booked into the parish jail after he collapsed on the elderly woman’s front porch...no loot in hand!

Eugene Palmer, 40, wearing a ski mask and carrying a gun, was arrested in Brunswick, Georgia, as he tried to rush into a SunTrust bank during business hours but became frustrated by the locked doors. Palmer learned there’s no such thing as easy money when he realized the SunTrust bank he was trying to rob was a drive-thru-only branch.

A would-be thief escaping from an abandoned house in Brazil died after a window slammed down on top of him, trapping and eventually asphyxiating him. Inspector Fernanda Rangel says that scratches and other marks on a wall next to the window indicate the intruder struggled to free himself, but failed. The corpse was discovered by the house’s owner, who had arrived to store some personal belongings in the empty house.

Danny Spencer and his partner in crime aren’t the brightest of the bunch! After breaking and entering the Madison Auto Store they were burglarizing, the safe wouldn’t open. That’s why the two thieves picked up the half-ton safe and drove through the city trying to crack it open. Talk about calling attention to yourselves!

KEEP YOUR HANDS TO YOURSELF

OGDEN, UTAH- A 31-year-old Utah man has been sentenced to six months in jail for fondling a maternity nurse who was wheeling the man’s pregnant girlfriend to the delivery room.

Second District Court Judge Scott Hadley sentenced Adam Manning to 180 days in the Weber County Jail after the man pleaded guilty.

Defense attorney Randall Marshall argued that Manning’s actions resulted from a brain injury following a vehicle crash 10 years ago, and involved no force or violence. Really?

Manning missed his child’s birth following his arrest.

The judge ordered Manning to undergo psychosexual, mental health and substance abuse evaluations and treatment.

Bad hand…bad, bad hand!

STUPID IS, AS STUPID DOES…

EDMONTON, CANADA- Obviously, this man didn’t learn that committing one crime won’t help cover another.

Michael Letendre was late for an appointment with a probation officer, so he stole a bicycle and rode it to the meeting at the west-end police station.

Since one of the conditions of his probation was that he was to keep the peace and be of good behavior, stealing was probably not a good idea.

Needless to say, the 19-year-old was arrested and charged with theft.

“It’s more a crime of stupidity than anything,” said defense lawyer Nicole Sissons, telling the court her client rode the stolen bike to the police station as he didn’t want to miss the appointment because his probation officer had threatened to jail him for breaching his probation.

“It defies logic,” she said. “There is no excuse for it.”

Letendre, who pleaded guilty to theft as well as several breaches, was sentenced to four months in jail. He was given 70-days credit for the time he has served in pre-trial custody, leaving him with 50-days to go.